im at work working on website lol.
wokring on a website like this is like knitting a sweater for the first time. yes it's tedious and very very ugly but it's yours and you can get so much pride out of it.
sun was out as i walked to work. felt warm and light on my neck like a lover.
i miss my best friend
RAAAHHHH I DONT WANT TO LEARN JAVASCRIPT
jonathan was here xd
"im not used to negotiating via eggplant" - logan roy
didn't go to work today because it's raining like hell and i'm tired from my monday. sometimes i wonder if the time i spend alone will have been for anything, or if it's simply just time spent alone. i hope i can take it day by day.
been listening to nude by radiohead on repeat. it's a really good song. it sounds like dying, but in a really beautiful way. i think that's really cathartic. I really love movies. I watched Mamma Mia and I cried a bunch and I can't wait to have ABBA play at my wedding. movies are just so fucking good. i will never forget the feeling of seeing dune 2 in theaters and tearing up just feeling so damn grateful that someone put the time and love into making something this beautiful.
sometimes i feel guilty over pretty trivial things. like snacking or taking off from work after i finished my shit to clean my apartment. it's pretty absurd.
these days i feel like i'm doing absolutely nothing despite the fact that i have 2 community college classes and a dance class and whatever art project i have on the side. like i'm working on a comic right now. and it still doesn't feel like it's enough. maybe it's something something not doing meaningful work. idk man.
it's a lonely life
i know i don't have to type out the time in french haha. i just have a chapter test soon and telling time is hard
dating is hard. i don't think there's much more my heart can take right now but i'll just grit my teeth and let it wash over me i guess.
i try to tell myself that every time i meet someone great and it doesn't work out, it doesn't have to mean that me meeting them was worth nothing. as in, i get to be changed by what happens with them. i get to remember them forever. that's really beautiful.
being young is hard. i resent my peers for having partners they can depend on but when confronted with the same possiblity it seems like i'm not even ready for it. like i have to have a bunch of things in order before i can enjoy that part of life. that's kind of fucked up. but i got used to living like this.
i don't want to pity myself. i do my absolute best to live life to the fullest without this sadness hanging over me all the time. but this life is meant to be shared.
i wonder if this is oversharing. honestly, i don't care so much. this is my art, every last pixel. when i die, this will be here. maybe.